Who vs. Whom

Believe it or not, this week's post was inspired by an owl.   Or rather, a wonderfully quirky owl-shaped throw pillow my husband gave me.  We were talking about what to call him (he's got a lot of personality--he needed a name), and my husband suggested "Whom."  And lo, the topic for this week's tip was born.

So.  Who vs. whom.  Most of us struggle with this one from time to time.  Fortunately, it's not terribly difficult once you learn the rules, and there is an easy trick to help you remember those.

What are "who" and "whom?"  They are pronouns, just like him/her/his/hers/they/their/theirs/it/etc.  To decide whether to use "who" or "whom," you have to determine whether your pronoun will be the subject or the object of the sentence.  Bear with me for a second and all will become clear.

The subject of a sentence is the ACTOR--in other words, who or what is doing something.  The object of a sentence is the RECIPIENT OF THAT ACTION--who or what is having something done to them.  Let's look at some examples:

I fired Janet.  In this sentence, "I" is the subject and "Janet" is the object (poor Janet). 
I married Paul eleven years ago today.  In this sentence, "I" is the subject and "Paul" is the object (lucky Paul).
I treated that patient last week. In this sentence, "I" is the subject and "that patient" is the object.

Internet "Grammar Girl" Mignon Fogerty has a neat trick for remembering which is the subject and which is the object in a sentence.  She suggests thinking about the sentence "I love you," and remembering that "you" are the OBJECT of my affection (and the OBJECT of that sentence).

So...when do I use "who" and when do I use "whom?"  Use "who" when you are referring to the subject of a sentence, and use "whom" when you are referring to the object.  That's:

WHO = SUBJECT:  The one who's doing something
WHOM = OBJECT: The one who's having something done to him/her

Examples:

Whom: Referring to the object of the sentence:

Whom did you fire?  I fired Janet.
Whom did you marry?  I married Paul.
Whom did you treat last week?  I treated that patient.
With whom are you going snorkeling? I'm going snorkeling with Sarah.

In these examples, we're asking about the OBJECT, the recipient of action, the person having something done to him or her (Janet, Paul, that guy).

Who: Referring to the subject of the sentence:
 
Who fired Janet?  I did.
Who married Paul?  I did.
Who treated that guy last week?  I did.
Who's going snorkeling with Sarah?  I am.

In these examples, we're asking about the SUBJECT, the person who did something (fired Janet, married Paul, treated that guy, went snorkeling with Sarah).

A trick to help you remember:  Since high school, I've used this to help me remember when to use "whom."  As you probably noticed, "whom" ends in "m."  So does the pronoun "him."  If you can't decide whether to use "who" or "whom," just think--if I asked myself the question, would the answer be "he," or "him?"  Example:

If you ask, "who/m did I marry?" you'd answer "I married him."  You wouldn't say "I married he."  So the correct pronoun here is "whom:"  Whom did I marry?  Him=whom.

If you ask, "with who/m am I going to the party?" you'd answer "I'm going to the party with him." You wouldn't say, "I'm going to the party with he."  In this case, the correct pronoun is "whom."  Him=whom.

If you ask "who/m fired Janet?" you'd answer "He fired Janet." You wouldn't say "Him fired Janet" (unless you suddenly started talking like Tarzan).  So the correct pronoun here is "who:" Who fired Janet?  He=who.

If you ask "who/m invited Joe to the party?" you'd answer "He invited Joe to the party."  You wouldn't say "Him invited Joe to the party."  In this case, the correct pronoun is "who."  He=who.

Just remember the WHOM/HIM connection, and you should be fine. 

Also:  If you want a good laugh, check out this handy comic on how to use "whom," by hilarious genius "The Oatmeal" (warning--it's a little silly and irreverent): http://theoatmeal.com/comics/who_vs_whom

I hope you found this week's post helpful.